Just some bits and bobs to wrap up.
Scary bits and bobs.
First, an innocuous message a year later:
Good luck, wherever you go
Jul 6, 2010 at 10:50 PMFrom him, to me.
I noticed your face on the graduation wall. Nice to know you are still going strong in this world. Again, I'll be surprised if you read this far.
The title pretty much says it all. Good luck, Jo.
Now as I said he gave up trying to talk directly to me in person. He settled for creepy muttering or talking to people sitting right next to me instead because, you know, that makes it better (it doesn't). Or he'd just wave, every time he saw me, and say hello, long after I'd begun actively ignoring and avoiding him.
So, one day he managed to find me alone in the cafeteria. I had my laptop set up as I waited for my ride. It was night. I was alone. This was why he spoke to me: no one else was there.
HE WAITED UNTIL I WAS ALONE TO APPROACH ME. IMPORTANT. FACT.
He came up to me and asked me why I broke things off and what my problem was. I just looked him straight in the eye and said, "You're an asshole. Fuck off."
He started going on about how I wasn't so nice myself, blah blah blah, I just closed my laptop and started to leave, he said okay and left first, I remained seated.
Good. Good. I like that result. He leaves of his own volition.
I wasn't about to pretend I owned the cafeteria suddenly. We went to the same school and there are like, five tables there. He just can't sit at mine, and he can't talk to me, okay? I can remain civil -- I just ignore him. I go out of my way not to deal with him, not to START a deal with him. He does the opposite at every turn, constantly pestering me whenever he sees me (or if he can't get away with it, just... muttering... I mean damn that is just so weird and creepy).
He also hangs out at the local game store, The Game Keep. Again, I'unn care. I was there with my D&D group, he was there with his, or whatever they were doing, we didn't bother each other, it was nice. As many times as he repeated the phrase "vindictive bitch" to me in person and over AIM/emails, I would not attempt to purge him from every place I might see him. I am not so immature as to believe his mere presence ruins my ability to enjoy myself. I can be an adult and just not let it be a Big Deal, okay? I just want to play my games. I just don't want to talk to him. I'm tired of him.
So yesterday, January 27, 2012, one of my D&D friends told me that Ed told him to ask me to meet him somewhere.
He told my friend to say this in private. He didn't want anyone to know. He wanted me to send word back with a chosen location.
Uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Now you see my sudden need to post this.
He wanted to meet me, in private. He didn't want anyone to know that we might meet in person.
He also told this friend that he reads my blog. Whatevs. My internet stuff's all public, I'm not about to get mad about somebody I don't like reading what I post because otherwise I would've made it private, duh. But...
He already knows where I live. He knows where I go to school, where I go to game, who all of my friends are and all of our contact information and what all of us looks like. He has consistently failed not only that I want nothing to do with him, but why, because he lacks the ability to understand or know people, or at least me, despite his constant arguments to the contrary.
He wants to meet me, alone, in secret. HE WANTS. TO MEET ME. ALONE. IN SECRET.
Holy hell. And I was afraid to walk outside by myself before!
I haven't gone to the police because I didn't want to ruin his life that way he wanted to ruin mine. He wanted to destroy my social life, he hung my financial situation and medical crisis over my head like bait to draw me back, he wants to force me to crawl back to him for forgiveness from HIM. But I have never hated him enough to take this to the authorities, to get him kicked out of school or work or the game keep or wherever he may go. I just quietly wished he'd graduate quicker so I could at least have the campus to myself.
And what has he DONE, really? Nothing... concrete. His most threatening, terrifying statements were all done in person, non-quotable as they are not in print or on record. He hasn't actually harmed me. But I fear.
He's wished harm on others.
The military didn't want him because of how mentally unstable he was. Has he done harm to others, too? I don't know. Not for certain.
Reasons I needed to record all of this. Reasons to post all of this, to finally dredge up these bad memories and go over all these ugly conversations again. Because for five years, he's never stopped stalking me.
The reasons all pile up.
They make me feel afraid.
Now as I said he gave up trying to talk directly to me in person. He settled for creepy muttering or talking to people sitting right next to me instead because, you know, that makes it better (it doesn't). Or he'd just wave, every time he saw me, and say hello, long after I'd begun actively ignoring and avoiding him.
So, one day he managed to find me alone in the cafeteria. I had my laptop set up as I waited for my ride. It was night. I was alone. This was why he spoke to me: no one else was there.
HE WAITED UNTIL I WAS ALONE TO APPROACH ME. IMPORTANT. FACT.
He came up to me and asked me why I broke things off and what my problem was. I just looked him straight in the eye and said, "You're an asshole. Fuck off."
He started going on about how I wasn't so nice myself, blah blah blah, I just closed my laptop and started to leave, he said okay and left first, I remained seated.
Good. Good. I like that result. He leaves of his own volition.
I wasn't about to pretend I owned the cafeteria suddenly. We went to the same school and there are like, five tables there. He just can't sit at mine, and he can't talk to me, okay? I can remain civil -- I just ignore him. I go out of my way not to deal with him, not to START a deal with him. He does the opposite at every turn, constantly pestering me whenever he sees me (or if he can't get away with it, just... muttering... I mean damn that is just so weird and creepy).
He also hangs out at the local game store, The Game Keep. Again, I'unn care. I was there with my D&D group, he was there with his, or whatever they were doing, we didn't bother each other, it was nice. As many times as he repeated the phrase "vindictive bitch" to me in person and over AIM/emails, I would not attempt to purge him from every place I might see him. I am not so immature as to believe his mere presence ruins my ability to enjoy myself. I can be an adult and just not let it be a Big Deal, okay? I just want to play my games. I just don't want to talk to him. I'm tired of him.
So yesterday, January 27, 2012, one of my D&D friends told me that Ed told him to ask me to meet him somewhere.
He told my friend to say this in private. He didn't want anyone to know. He wanted me to send word back with a chosen location.
Uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Now you see my sudden need to post this.
He wanted to meet me, in private. He didn't want anyone to know that we might meet in person.
He also told this friend that he reads my blog. Whatevs. My internet stuff's all public, I'm not about to get mad about somebody I don't like reading what I post because otherwise I would've made it private, duh. But...
He already knows where I live. He knows where I go to school, where I go to game, who all of my friends are and all of our contact information and what all of us looks like. He has consistently failed not only that I want nothing to do with him, but why, because he lacks the ability to understand or know people, or at least me, despite his constant arguments to the contrary.
He wants to meet me, alone, in secret. HE WANTS. TO MEET ME. ALONE. IN SECRET.
Holy hell. And I was afraid to walk outside by myself before!
I haven't gone to the police because I didn't want to ruin his life that way he wanted to ruin mine. He wanted to destroy my social life, he hung my financial situation and medical crisis over my head like bait to draw me back, he wants to force me to crawl back to him for forgiveness from HIM. But I have never hated him enough to take this to the authorities, to get him kicked out of school or work or the game keep or wherever he may go. I just quietly wished he'd graduate quicker so I could at least have the campus to myself.
And what has he DONE, really? Nothing... concrete. His most threatening, terrifying statements were all done in person, non-quotable as they are not in print or on record. He hasn't actually harmed me. But I fear.
He's wished harm on others.
The military didn't want him because of how mentally unstable he was. Has he done harm to others, too? I don't know. Not for certain.
Reasons I needed to record all of this. Reasons to post all of this, to finally dredge up these bad memories and go over all these ugly conversations again. Because for five years, he's never stopped stalking me.
The reasons all pile up.
They make me feel afraid.
1 comments:
As Joelle's very protective mother, I want to make it clear that everyone including her Dad and brother know of your wish to meet our daughter secretly. Joelle is clearly not stupid enough to do this. There is no relationship. Get Over It! This is a clear, no between the lines statement. Get Over It! Do Not Contact Her! Stay Out of Her Life! That means Do Not Respond to her blog. No Contact, means absolutely, under any circumstances or creative measures; NO CONTACT PERIOD!
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